Oh its been a busy few weeks. I do apologise for my absence but there has been a lot going on. I felt the need to take a step away from certain aspects of my life recently. I found myself walking into a dark place and I needed to do all I could to stop me from taking that path.
As my previous blogs have shown I have had some issues and I’m working on them bit by bit. Last time we were chatting I had taken the steps to go into a pub on my own and enjoy my own company. I have done that again since, it didn’t work out too well to be honest. But I’m not one to give up (momma raised no quitter)!!
But it did open my eyes a little more. I realised I had become very unhappy with myself.
It happens to us all from time to time. No one on this planet has the perfect life day in and day out, and those people on Instagram making you think otherwise are FUCKING LIARS 😂... Yes they may have more money, and a better body, but they’re chasing likes and follows and I guarantee you when they post a picture and it doesn’t get 25 million likes, they are not happy. So its ok to have a down day, but when a down day turns into a down week and a down week turns into a down month and by the time you know you have turned into a Debbie Downer, then it’s time for you to start thinking about making a change! And that’s exactly what this Debbie Downer did!! I just didn’t turn that frown upside down, I fucking ripped the frown off of me and threw it away!
So to give y’all a little insight to the exciting life of Darren.
9:45am Wake up and grab a coffee, then shower, then another coffee then off to work.
11:30 start work and stay there until 8pm
8:30 arrive home and pop a pizza in the oven and inhale the thing.
9:00-1:00 am sit on the couch with crisps and fizzy drinks watching mindless TV.
As you can see it wasn’t the best routine for someone to be in. I wasn’t sleeping properly, I was moaning all the time, I was a bloody misery! My poor friends, family and my housemate! I mean they put up with this shit from me.
Then I was pilling on the weight ( you know when the jeans begin to feel snug) I mean I felt like an overpacked suitcase, someone needed to come sit on my stomach in order for me to button my jeans. The T-shirts started to get tighter, to the fact you could see the outline of my belly button. I mean come on who was I kidding, complaining I couldn’t find a man and this was one of the reasons why. And then every time I tried on a shirt to go out in I would end up hating myself more! It’s a vicious cycle. I ate cos I was unhappy and I was unhappy cos I ate. Many people will tell you that it’s a cop out but its not. I promise you it so isn’t a cop out.
So after a night out which ended in me calling my best friend and having a cry outside a pub, pissed as a fart, in the centre of the city, YUP THAT DID HAPPEN!! I decided to make some changes. First of all was my routine, it was time to do more with my life and get active. Now I knew no matter how much I told myself to “get fit, get active” I really wasn’t going to do it by myself. I don’t have the will power. Yup I could go to the Gym at work after my shift or before but that was as likely to happen as me getting a woman pregnant ( it would never happen).
So I decided to go back to an old gym I used to train in and invest in 12 weeks of Personal Training. I have done this before and enjoyed it however while I stuck to the training I never really threw myself 100% into it. I did it simply because I paid for it not because I really wanted to. But this time something has changed. I’m more determined than ever. I think the reasons I’m doing this are different than last time.
Last time I was training so I could loose weight in the hope I would bump into my ex and I would be looking amazing. As you can tell this certainly wasn’t for my benefit. But this time I’m doing it for me. I’m doing it for no one else’s benefit except my own.
I’m now almost finished my 4th week of Personal Training and I’m pushing myself harder with each session. I’m also going to the gym two extra times per week to get some cardio completed. I would never have done this before. Already I’m toning up, I’m sleeping better, I’m eating better, I have more of a structured routine. I’m feeling so much more positive in everything I do now. I no longer have that self loathing feeling. That feeling that I’m not good enough, that feeling I don’t deserve anyone.
On top of that I have also decided to get out more.Not get out on the scene or get out into town on the piss. But get out and get some air, enjoy my surroundings. Just take some time out to gather my thoughts. I’m feeling a lot less anxious, a lot more relaxed and a lot happier.
So the short end of this long story is that if you are thinking of making a change, make a number of small changes rather than one big one. What you will find is that the server also small changes you make will make a big impact on your life.